Friday, May 31, 2013

Friday Felicities: June 1, 2013



Friday Felicities

Coffee in happy mugs
Lost 1 lb this week
Shopping with Suzanna
Tattoo planning
Perry the Platypus tee
New Doctor Who tee
Timshel
Good writing feedback
Having Corey home this week
Texts from Mom
Leisurely library trip
Drawing cartoon people
Dinner with my boys
Watching Haydn pitch when he is relaxed and having fun
Hanging by the pool with Tricia
Ice Cubes Raspberry Sorbet gum

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Rose, the TARDIS, and Being a Writer


There's a scene from Doctor Who that strikes my soul again and again. The first time I saw it, I squirmed in recognition. Again, when I watched it with my younger son, my heart leaped in my chest. Then that scene repeated again and again in a montage I watched on Youtube.

In the scene, Rose is on earth. She's in a diner with her mother and Mickey. The Doctor has dropped her off. He sent her home while he was off saving the world. As far as she knows, he is sacrificing his life at the very moment her mother is shedding tears of joy to have Rose home. Rose is distraught. She's angry and scared and despairing.

Because what's the point?

If I can't have that life, if I can't be off in the heavens, fighting the bad guys and having grand adventures with the Doctor, what is the point in all of this? A job in a shop? Driving to work? Taking the tube? Eating fish and chips with my mother? Going on dates?

Blah.

Once you've been inside the TARDIS, being inside your own life seems so small, so confined. Once you've seen the future, the present moves at a snail's pace.

This is me. I am Rose.

I love to write. I lose myself in stories. Creating characters - it's my own Genesis. My hands fly across keys, and I am doing what I am meant to do. I glimpsed the future when I found an agent. When an editor at a major publishing house loved my writing, I saw the stars. With each inch closer to publication, I found time travel to be real and true and part of who I am.

Some days, however, I am sent back to earth. I am stuck in the present. I make spelling lists. I go for walks in my neighborhood. I count calories and cook dinner and watch an episode of Glee. And I wonder, if this never happens, if I am not meant to be a novelist, how will I take it?

Honestly, when I imagine a life where I am not a writer, where no one cares about the words that are spinning inside my head... I feel like Rose.

What's the point?

Publication isn't the only thing that matters, but right now it is my TARDIS. It can take me places... places I really really really want to go.

Rose makes it back to the Doctor. She helps him save the world. Again. It's a great episode, one of my favorites. There's a magical kiss. Rose becomes one with the TARDIS.

If I close my eyes, I can believe it's coming for me too. The Doctor, the book contract... they're coming for me too.

Me. Too.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Never




I am wicked
and you are wet 
and we can never be
together.

I am sorrow, wicked,
worn and tossed
about.

I am dry and dust
clings, and you
are draft drinking
down.

I dream of you in drops.
I close my eyes and see
you pool
around my heart.

I am broken, wicked,
worn and battle-scarred
to prove

I don't need you,

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Currently: It Was the Month of May

Current Books: The World's Strongest Librarian, Hoot, No Talking (audio), Walk Two Moons (audio), Poemcrazy and We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves.

Current Playlist: Fighting for Nothing - Meg & Dia, Wind it Up - Gwen Stefani, Every Moment - Sara Groves

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Nothing really. I haven't been eating ice cream or impulse buying new clothes or taking naps in the middle of the day. I'm boring this month.

Current Colors: bright bright bright

Current Fetish: PSE brushes from Brusheezy

Current Food: I made baked tilapia for dinner last night.

Current Drink: Coffee with stevia and Coldstone Sweet Cream starts my morning. Water the rest of the day.

Current Favorite Favorite: Scrivener. I have almost used my free trial completely and will be paying for the software soon. It's my Mother's Day gift.

Current Wishlist: Project Life page protectors, good shoes for walking

Current Needs: I need to get back into the habit of daily writing. Thanks to a med switch, I am feeling more like myself and wrote 1300 new words yesterday.

Current Triumph: I've lost five pounds in the last month. :)

Current Bane-of-my-Existence: Calories. Why must my favorites be so calorie-rich?

Current Indulgence: Yesterday, I read 80 pages in a row. I am used to just reading a few at a time, when I can steal ten minutes or so. I sat still and finished my book yesterday. It was lovely.

Current Mood: On the upswing. I blogged about my "black wave" earlier this month. I think the tide is going out now.

Current #1 Blessing: Corey, always Corey. In addition, I would add the Peers program at The Autism Center, baseball, and our public library.

Current Outfit: grey pants and a black t-shirt. I don't put on my real clothes until I've walked 2 miles and taken a shower. :)

Current Links:  It's my day to moderate the Middle Places Facebook community. Stop by and say hello. I will also have a poem on the Middle Places blog today. It's a new one that hasn't been posted here. Go read if you have a minute: In the Middle of the Imperfect Church.

Current Quote: “You can't keep the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can keep them from nesting in your hair.” ― Sharon Creech, Walk Two Moons

Current Photo:


Title from:

“It was the month of May and there was warm sunshine dripping through the holes between the clouds, like the sky was a broken blue bowl and a child was trying to keep honey in it.” 
― Chris CleaveLittle Bee

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Get On Your Way Quickly



Get on your way quickly.

Not, sit right here and wait.

Get on your way.
Quickly.

I'm struggling with waiting lately. A lot.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

Maybe I'm waiting on Jesus to come here to me, instead of getting up and going on my way. Maybe if I get on my way Jesus is already waiting for me.

I haven't been writing much lately, not daily like I did for more than a year. Instead I have been waiting. 

Why?

Do I need a book contract to be a writer?

No.

Do I need constant updates from my agent to trust that things are being taken care of?

No.

Do I need to keep sitting here, by the grave I think holds my stories, when in fact my stories might be waiting somewhere else, somewhere I should already be going?

I need to recapture my wonder, my joy in writing. It is a gift God gave to me, and the current lack of a book contract is not a sealed tomb for my writing career.

I'm doing it wrong.

I'm waiting instead of going quickly on my way.

Come with me on my way? Jesus is waiting for us in Galilee.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Where Jesus is Supposed to Be



I'm so with those women. I stand right there beside them All. The. Time.

Don't you?

You show up exactly where Jesus is supposed to be, where you believe Him to be, and you are waiting around, nervous and probably a little sad, because this isn't really where you WANT to find Jesus. You'd rather not be hanging out in a graveyard. If only He wasn't in that tomb at all.

You go looking for Jesus, you go where you are told you will find Him and...

He  
Isn't  
There

Look at you. Look at me. Showing up at a grave because other people said Jesus was there when we heard Him say He wouldn't be staying in the tomb. We heard Him and still we believed what other people told us. We believed our own eyes when they saw Him dying. And we went where our brains told us we would find Him.

And Jesus isn't there. Maybe He was there before, but He isn't there now, and now is what matters. Now is where I am today.

Is where I am where He is?

Maybe if my life feels a bit empty, if my days seem lacking His presence... Maybe it's not because He has abandoned me. Maybe I am looking in the grave again.

He isn't in the tomb.

What now?

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